Have you ever been told, “Everything happens for a reason?”
I have, and it hurts like hell. I think maybe they say it because they don’t know what else to say? There really isn’t anything anyone CAN say to make it better, don’t you feel? Maybe those people don’t feel comfortable staying silent.
I hate it when people tell me “Everything happens for a reason”, especially in the face of precarious health. It’s code for “I don’t want to have to think about what it takes to deal with life without this trite phrase”. Both myself and my husband have chronic pain and chronic illness which can’t be magically or otherwise wished away.
My dad died of lupus when I was 2, and so, I have no memories of him. None. I’m 34, and I still miss the idea of having a dad, even though I love my dad-in-law very much.
I’m still not sure just how to act around him, and he’s also the very quiet type, just like his son. We do have good times over a Scrabble board! This male parental life-form is an alien creature that needs further study!
But to have someone say “Everything happens for a reason” is a slap in the face. Dad and his doctors did everything they could to keep him alive and healthy, and he survived for far longer than the original estimate: he was given 5 years to live, and he lasted 8. Men are less likely to get lupus, and it often takes longer to diagnose in both sexes. My mom believes Dad was sick for a long time before they got the official diagnosis.
To quote the author, “These platitudes are bullshit.”
